i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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