I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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