You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize