someone get that fucking seahorse.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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