Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
