There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
