you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
