How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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