In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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