I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
