i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and she was petting her beer can
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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