we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
