Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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