She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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