So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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