He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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