In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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