is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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