so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
