how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
