turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He has the fingertips of a God
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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