Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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