Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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