I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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