smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
