if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
