the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
