he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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