Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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