so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
