People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
