it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
