Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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