So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize