I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
