So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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