Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is

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(647): View more from Ontario

Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

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(904): View more from Florida

I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.

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(810): View more from Michigan

So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.

(810): View more from Michigan

They're like sad pomegranates.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.

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(630): View more from Illinois

who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?

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(909): View more from California

My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.

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