sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
