Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
