If i come over, it means nothing
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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