And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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