My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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