I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
