We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
