You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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