HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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