"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
