The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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