These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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