btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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