Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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