Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
