I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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