It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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