so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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