I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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