I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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