barbara walters just said penis...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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