i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
