Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
