WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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