Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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