I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
