Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
