there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
