she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
