Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
