I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
