he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
