No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
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I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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