so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
