just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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