I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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