my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
