Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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