Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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